Yesterday just... didn't work.

As for the convention, Brian Froud & Alan Lee were not there. I actually asked Ari Berk, who, amazingly, remembers me everytime i speak to him. He told me they weren't there & why, & i gasped. Brian Froud is apparently having eye surgery (though at the time, i thought it was just an infection; found out about possible surgery via an LJ post), so he could not fly, & Alan Lee's mother passed away this past week. I was speechless, which made it very awkward, but what can one really say? There were well wishes books for people to sign, which i did, but words are so useless half the time.

I felt so out of it. Empty. That's selfish, i know, but i just felt like... why? I fought to be able to come, to do this, & i felt nothing. Just dazed & empty. I don't even feel tired, just empty.

It wasn't that it was all bad. I bought Kinuko Craft's book & she drew in it & signed it, but maybe i shouldn't have been all, "i can speak Japanese"...? I talked to Linda Ravenscroft & got to look at actual pen sketches that she did on the plane ride over. I got to hold two. Linda Ravenscroft! Let me hold real drawings of hers! She was eating a Reese's Cup, because, apparently, peanut butter cups don't exist in Britain, either. I got to talk to Toby Froud & see him with his puppet friend. I was excited to see Alan Lee's painting of Lúthien on the cover of the Fall Faerie Magazine. I got to see the Gypsy Nomads play, including their brilliant song "Oh Gypsy." (And i bought that CD.) There were two little girls there who had only just met & were dancing & swinging each other around without a thought or care of what anyone else would think. There were plastic bubbles, so you could catch them & they wouldn't pop. There were moonstones provided by Kelly Miller-Lopez; i took a grey one. I went to the last panel about faery gifts & all three women seemed like wise women, & i drew them. And before we had to leave, i got to talk a little to Wendy Froud-- who remembered me! I also saw the BOG, the Green Men, on a march, & got to hear them sing. I managed to subsist on an Oreo (eaten before leaving) & then a bottle of cola bought at the convention for all of yesterday.

But despite it all, it's just as though the day was cursed. Maybe it's this month. October is letting me down. It doesn't even feel like October.

I feel so guilty for dragging Janna along & then being so very dull & pathetic. I feel even worse regarding my uncle. God... i did not know he drove like that. He exceeded the speed limit & would complain about pretty much everything happening on the road, especially if people wanted over into our lane or weren't going as fast as he was. I just.... god, god, god. God. He swore over everything, had an issue with everything on the road. I felt embarrassed, i felt horrible for having Janna there, having to be in that situation. I just.... god. The day was so wrong. This year is just wrong. I know it must all sound selfish, but... i don't know. I give up.

And i have to go to the Walters today to do this History project thing, though it really ought to be easy. Three sentences, ancient art, drawing; simple. I will have to run up to the Knight's Hall to visit Eddie & Theo.

Next weekend is the last for the Ren Fest. Want to see if Janna & i can hitch a ride with my cousin Shannon, who worked it this year. She's a much calmer driver.

12:03 a.m. | October 12, 2008

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